She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
