I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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