You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
