We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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