So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
