Umm I'm too high to move.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
