I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I deserve this hangover.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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