I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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