Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
