I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
