I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize
