names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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