I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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