Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
