Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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