Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
