Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
