ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
