She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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