I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
