God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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