At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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