Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
