So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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