I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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