so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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