new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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