Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
