ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
