you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
