Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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