i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize