I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
