I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
