Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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