Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
