Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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