You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
