There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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