I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
