No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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