He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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