my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
