Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
