Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
