I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
