What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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