Nicole vs. Life
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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