it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
