I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
