yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
