Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
