I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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