There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want nice things and good sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
