my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize