so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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