ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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