I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
