I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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