yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
